A coming of age story for our times

Dating, politics, identity

with a few shitty rhymes

Buckle in, babe.

Let me set the scene

Of a story that may be too long

In a world where X reigns supreme

 

A friend canceled museum party plans

last minute on a Friday night

Celebrating 100 years of Surrealism

is far less fun when you’re alone

Sooooo… what else to do when not drinking 

and stag at The Blanton?

Get stoned!

Reach for my pacifier, the phone

to text a friend who was going to a 

Halloween silent disco.

Ah, my idea of Hell

Tis the season.

So we go, down the well…

 

Normally, I would never go

to such a thing as a silent disco

But some kind of magic happens

when you choose the opposite

The portal opens

A glitch in the Matrix

When you’re open to Everything

Life is Everywhere, All At Once

One decision unlocks

the least probable outcome

 

So tonight, we play

A bright red dress

instead of the usual black

Bought the most obnoxious 

sunglasses at 7-Eleven

A last-minute kind of mask.

 

Turns out this disco is the perfect place 

to be stoned

But the worst to navigate a new crew

Especially one in head to toe costume

How was I to know who is with who?

Oh, and the friend I was meeting

A former Hinge date.

I had to remind myself, be kind

Don’t flirt with other men in front of him too much

Make sure you act right

Also, you have a slit up to your ass

So you must compensate

Smile a lot and make friends with the gals

Let them all know, as the new girl

I come in peace, babe.

 

Enter, Tickle Me Elmo

With piercing blue eyes 

A stare to match

Oh, I wanted to take him for a ride

He was part of this crew

Ignore his siren song, I’d try to do

But he kept approaching

His sense of humor was dry

Toss up… an asshole or a nice guy?

Either way, biting sarcasm is catnip for me

Maybe tonight I’d become a furry

 

I can count the amount of times on my hand

That I’ve been so magnetically drawn to a man

Ugh I hate this instinct to be so polite

Not just take what I want

Plus this weed was making me dumb

Oh, there he goes off with another girl

That’s what I get for staying in line

 

We grooved as a group

Not a muppet in sight

Eventually, the crew called it a night

Just as I thought all hope was lost,

a red silhouette came beelining toward me

Can I see you sometime?

I hope so.

Then he put his number into my phone.

A hug that revealed every muscle

Even under all that shag

I could feel his danger. 

Oh, he was bad.

 

I held back the victory dance.

Babe, I’m so cool.

Walking into a room 

and leaving with just what you came for

Can make you feel powerful enough to run a country

These delusional moments are fleeting

Just like my youth 

So I savor this current reality

I fear my need for this feeling

may never leave

Well, maybe when I’m over 103.

 

Waited until the next morning

to text my fuzzy new friend

Two hours later

Coffee in hand

Elmo revealed to me 

that yes, we had spoken before

Intentionally Dating Guy??

Wait, that was you?! 

Dear Gawd. Austin, Texas is so damn small.

Then he reminded me about our call

One I had completely forgotten about

Probably for personal posterity…

 

Once upon a time (earlier this summer)

A strange man I swiped right on 

accused me of vocal fry

(a thing my voice can dip into from time to time)

Ah, what a guy.

Asperger’s or are you just a douche?

The former is natural, at least it would be an excuse

But I bit my tongue

Decided yep, no clinical diagnosis

He was just an asshole

The end.

 

Now sitting across the table

IRL

There was that special rhythm

In our get to know you dance

It came naturally 

I couldn’t stop laughing

Felt the urge to grab his face

Kiss him, then punch him 

at the same time

 

All of a sudden, I became uncensored

A rarity.

I liked this version of me

Because… that’s just who it was

Opinionated, oh yes!

But I don’t always share

Especially with men

whose fingers I want through my hair

I always just tried to be easy.

We all know this can be such a bore

Easy I can be, but not at my core

In fact, quite the opposite, baby.

 

Damn, why didn’t I have the confidence 

to do this before?

I might be a bit less lonely

And the men who were what ifs

Maybe they wouldn’t be

And me? Maybe I’d be happy.

 

Elmo invited me

to help him pitch a tent 

in the backyard of his home

A property he tells me he does, in fact, own

I had helped men pitch a tent or two in my time

But not, like, literally

Eh, what the hell.

I’m in the mood to try something new

This is what living in Texas will force you to do

 

The man rode a golf cart to coffee

Decorated with Hawaiian leis. Quirky.

He proceeded to give me a neighborhood tour

Pointing out houses

using descriptors like Mexican and Black

This was hard to endure

If it’s not important to the plot,

then it’s just fat

Cut it out of the story.

This I told him 

(much like at this point, you may want to tell me)

 

In his backyard, as he was proudly showing off 

the fire pit he designed

An American flag stared me straight in the eye

A modern-day skull and crossbones

Even though, yes I know this ain’t right

I hate that I think this way too

But can’t help if that’s what it feels like

 

Also, lest we ignore

His concern that “the bums”

would trespass in his backyard and

take up the tent as a home

Yes, “unhoused” is new 

And harder to understand

But dude, “homeless” would do.

We’re all humans. Have some respect. 

Just be better. Yes, words matter. Not cool.

 

But back to the romance. 

It was still there?

This fish outta the East River

Who has never officially camped

helped a man pitch a tent

One outdoors, not just in his pants 

Played couple in the market to buy at an open house

Later on, plus one to a neighborhood block party

Yes, this date was rom-com worthy

 

Seeing him in the community

Well, this version of Elmo tickled me

Later that night, he decorated 

the home we built with lights

Played some John Denver

Under the moon

To a second soundtrack of rabid raccoons

It’s vulnerable to set a vibe.

He was sexy and sweet.

Makeout game on fleek

That night in the tent, I could barely sleep

 

There’s a reason beds exist.

 

Before sunrise, I found myself

Perched in a camping chair

American flag waving in the air

Far far away from Manhattan 

Indulging in talk. The opposite of small.

Oh, I put up walls?

Duh, you’re still a stranger 

Slow down, baby baby

I need golf cart speed

You don’t know me.

It hasn’t even been two whole days…

 

Slowly peeling off my armor

In a sleep deprived haze 

Clutching onto a lifeboat of coffee 

The man proceeded to say, so casually

These next 5 years are important for me

His voice, tinged with concern

To be fair, he had his shit together

A man more “adult” than me

Thanks for the advice, Daddy

 

I cackled like the wicked witch

The laugh. It just came out. I was delirious. 

Wondering how the hell

I ended up in a scene so ridiculous

 

Yeah, no shit.

I’m 35

The sand in my hourglass is slipping away

I’m inundated with that messaging every day 

My eggs are geriatric

Botox in my 3rd eye

Just so I can look good to a guy

The truth?

Sometimes I’m not sure I even know who I am

Shouldn’t I, already?

But there’s so much more to discover

And with it, a lingering fear

That my depth is just a wading pool 

instead of the ocean I hope to be

I just want a man to be lost in me

So I’m not alone lost in myself

There are days I’ve been so so lonely

In all these years, if we’re honest,

maybe too many to be considered healthy

And lonely… what if that’s all I’ll ever be?

The way time works, 

that can happen so easily

I’ve seen it.

Every moment is precious. Yeah, I’m aware.

But I refuse to settle.

Love, you can’t just catch in the air

Less pressure, please?

Trust me, I’ve already got that taken care of…

 

Is what I wanted to say.

Instead I just smiled 

Shook my head

Rolled my eyes

Continued on with the day.

 

Welp, onto more adventure

Too curious to let it come to an end

That day I went sailing

with the man and his friend

Yeah, he owns sailboats

(So many hobbies, these Austin men)

It was my first time

He was patient and kind to teach me

Sailing sounds romantic from that damn song

Now I know that is wrong 

If I’m honest…

Eh, just too much work

More than it’s actually worth.

 

Now we were on our way home

As a reminder,

‘Twas late October 2024

Politics, well they’re hard to ignore

Elmo told us two 

that he planned not to vote

It was just something he did not do

I thought, how silly

to not exercise a right

for which many gave their lives, 

fought all their might

His main concern? The economy.

Easy for a man who can afford 

a pedigree water hobby

with a name as white as Wonder Bread

Benji, please.

 

When he asked me why I believed 

so much in the Democratic vote

I froze like a deer in headlights

Everything in my mind

sounded like a liberal talking point,

the Republican’s plight

Not helpful, in a situation like this

That I couldn’t confidently argue statistics

A problem I will now be sure to fix

You’re out of the echo chamber, Al

This is your chance…

Speak!

 

Never again would I let myself be mute

With so much to say.

 

So, onto sleepover number two

In a shower with a man, 

which is vulnerable

Something I rarely do

My tits were out. Glistening.

Now was the time.

Kamala. It’s Kamala. Not Kamaaala.

Touch me. Focus. Repeat.

Respect fucking matters.

Stop being lazy.

 

Didn’t he understand?

Ugh how could I let myself be naked

in front of this man?

There is no reason two young girls

Should have to stand on a stage

To teach a country how to pronounce their aunt’s name

They’re too young to know

The disrespect others would show

Just because she’s different

Silly me, on second thought 

I’m sure they’ve felt it already

Too many times before 

 

And Just Like That, it was Monday morning

Time to get back to real life

In the corner of my eye

I spy Halloween costume #2

Woke Mind Virus Guy

Blue wig

Harris-Walz flags

Woke mind virus graphic tee

Oh gee.

 

What a pickle.

It’s hard to understand how

this insane outfit could be worn by a man 

One that actually listened and was sweet

He sent over a list created by ChatGPT

“Things to do in Austin for my liberal friend from NYC”

I loved that he could take a joke, 

as much as he dished it

Which is more than can be said for many

Yes, we grew up different

He wasn’t a bad guy

Change takes time and patience

Sometimes plenty

 

On my way out, in my last gasp to preach fair

I took a Harris-Walz flag

With one arm, held it high in the air

A living room protest, I stood tall

This may be the final time

with this Ben guy

So girl, give it your all

 

“The Statue of Liberty means something!”

I looked at him and smiled

With hope that it softened my stance

No one likes an angry woman

Not this guy, not Trump, and not Vance

 

Back to the real world 

October 28, 2024

Plastered on the front page

Was the Trump rally at MSG

Our world crumbling into Idiocracy

Was this weekend all just a fever dream?

Wait… could Tony have pissed off enough people

to accidentally save democracy?

 

Nah, it’s our reality.

One Stranger than Fiction.

This time, not a comedy.

Well, not yet…

The tension has to break.

 

Which brings us to November 5th

On this Election Day Eve

Hey babe, embrace vulnerability.

Why the hell not?

Don’t waste time like me

The world is meant to play, if you’re so lucky

We are. In the land of the free.

 

To think, this weekend I would never know

If I didn’t go to that silly Halloween silent disco

A momentary choice created a butterfly effect 

One that ignited my voice

Now I won’t be a stranger

To an opposite nature 

A valuable lesson never too late to learn.

 

So get out there

Push boundaries, listen 

Be respectful

If you have a voice, use it

Titties too

Stand up for yourself

Vote for what you believe

Lift others up

This, we can do.

It’s why we’re lucky to live

In the red, white, and blue.

 

Yes, there is much about our country

that is truly fucked up

in ways that we cannot excuse 

and should never ignore

But our differences

and a safe space to be them?

Change is real.

 

We can still write our reality.

That’s something worth fighting for.

(You’ve made it this far? Now that’s hope, baby!)

At 6:26pm on Election Day, a message from Elmo:

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​​​There’s a chance I may have been responsible for a Trump vote… 

Shit.

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Democracy!

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